Shelfari

so says I

I’m such a moron. Okay, I am taking this US History class. My first exam is on Sept 23. I’ve been studying like mad because I had to cover four units and it didn’t seem like I’d be able to cover all the information in that period of time. I got to a halfway mark today (I studied ALL DAY) and then I realized that the first exam is only over one unit, duh. I was trying to cram THE ENTIRE CLASS into this first month. I’m such a tard. But I’m relieved to be a tard in this instance. So basically I could go ahead and take the second exam now because I studied for it all day.

We made homemade pizza for lunch. I make my own crust and everything. It was sooo delicious. Sage got to make her very own pizza. She was so proud.

We watched some silly movie today, but it had Justin Long and Jonah Hill in it so that made it watchable. It was called Accepted or something like that. It was funny, but dumb. I was in the mood for a dumb movie at the time.

We thought about going to the pool today, but of course it rained. I went grocery shopping instead. I bought the ingredients to make pizza and some canned soups and peanut butter and organic milk and dishsoap and instant oatmeal and turkey chili and wheat bread. I feel like I go to the damned store every day. I don’t get it.

Why is football so loud? I hate when he watches sports. I’m such a bitch. I guess someone scored or did something good because he’s hollering YES at the tv. Men are so weird sometimes.

[from Sept 9, 2007]

get in the game

I’m an aunt! Ariana was born around 8:00 tonight. 8 lbs 3 oz. 20 inches long. A head full of curly dark hair. Biggest cheeks this side of the Mississippi.

Work has been crazy. There have been issues and problems, but things are resolved. None of it was my fault. I still rock the fucking party.

Speaking of being awesome, I pulled off another amazing PTA function. Two of them, in fact. I found some great sporty scrapbook paper in the dollar spot at Target, and I also went to a teacher supply store and bought cute sports-related things. I win!

Shelley’s having a girl-type baby, and Mia’s having a birthday-type day.

I bought some clothes recently. Two sweaters. One like this:

It’s a shame you can’t see all the different vintage looking buttons on it.

and one like this:

Also with different buttons. Or as Sage described it, “buttons with entirely different thoughts.”

Joey and Cindy broke up. He told me today. She has moved in with her parents. That means he won’t be able to afford rent on that house in Little Elm. Maybe that means he’ll move to Richardson. Sage still doesn’t know. I think he was going to tell her this weekend. I hope she takes it okay.

My back is fucked up again. It hurts so bad sometime that my whole body trembles. I don’t know how to explain it. The pain makes me breathe all funny-like. Sometimes I feel very old.

This entry sucks, but my life, it does not.

currently reading: Reading Lolita in Tehran

[from Sept 15, 2007]

Squirrels are nature’s speedbumps.

Last night we all three went to the Malibu Speed Way and rode go carts and played a lot of skee ball. I think Sage had a really good time. It was fun. Some men gave Sage and two other little girls a couple hundred tickets on their way out the door. I split them among the kids, and Sage was a happy kid. She got two plastic lizards and a parachuting ninja with her tickets. Also, Chinese fingercuffs that kept on making Sage’s eyes panic. And a plastic top. And a jumping plastic frog.

Today Christopher had to work so Sage and I read a Goosebumps book and watched Jumanji and played with Magnetix and cuddled a lot. I made tacos for dinner with Spanish rice and refried black beans. I did some laundry and some studying and some napping and some vacuuming and some ANTM marathon watching. This morning Christopher and I watched Some Like It Hot before he had to go on a press check and to the office. So that was nice.

Sometimes I get the Good Times theme song stuck in my head for no reason.

As usual, I’m having gastrointestinal issues which isn’t fun at all.

things to do this week:

make doctor appointment with Dr. Thurston
buy ice cream for 250 people before PTA meeting Thursday
figure out where the hell I can keep ice cream for 250 people
sweet talk the cafeteria ladies at Dartmouth
buy REACH supplies (binder, notebook, folder)
finish two computer area bulletin boards
lose 30 lbs

currently reading: Invisible Monsters by Chuckie P.

upside to the inevitable downslide

I don’t have the mental capacity to write an entry, I fear. I don’t know why I’m so sleepy. I’ll give it a go anyway.

I ordered some clothes for Sage from that Crazy 8 store Rachael told me about. I had to get size 10 plus for Sage’s pants. She’s become so chunky. I don’t know what to do about it. I hope that soccer will help. She gained 7 lbs in two weeks. There is no way that is healthy. Can I add that during those weeks she was at my parents’ house and Joey’s parents’ house?

I’m flipping back and forth between the So You Think You Can Dance finale and Big Brother. and WHAT THE FUCK. DUSTIN JUST GOT EVICTED. I’m seriously going to cry or scream or throw something. WTF. I can’t handle any more Dick. HA! I’ve never said that before. Do you think Jen was truly the mastermind behind that the way they have edited this to look?

Fuck all that because TOPH JUST BROUGHT THE MAIL IN AND SAGE MADE IT INTO REACH. YAY! I’M SO PROUD OF OUR GIRL. Look at this here. That’s proof that Sage belongs in the gifted and talented program. Then again, she just asked me if Italians were from Russia.

I miss Mia so much. I know she’s busy with her fancy new job and being in a miserable relationship, and I should be more available to her, but I guess I expect her to always be around. you know? I am a selfish person.

I went up to Dartmouth yesterday and I helped clean out the teachers’ lounge and the PTA closets. Did I write about that already? I am so retarded today. I ordered the Café Max today to be delivered next Friday for the Teacher Luncheon. $422 worth of food for our faculty and staff. I am enlisting PTA board members to supply desserts. I’m getting the cafeteria to make some iced tea. I think it’s going to be a nice event. OH! and I busted ass today to get donations of gift certificates from local businesses to give out as door prizes. I hit gold with Cousins Subs and Dickey’s Barbecue and Fantastic Sams. I am so proud. I also have a big crystal bowl to give away and a set of candles.

current book: Fat Girl: A True Story by Judith Moore

[from August 16, 2007]

rummaging for answers in the pages

I’ve been quiet lately. Quiet in my mind, quiet in my heart. And sometimes I feel like I have eyes on my heart that squinch shut so tight. Just sometimes. Mixed metaphors are how I roll.

Sage had her crossing over bridge ceremony today for Girl Scouts. She’s no longer a Brownie; she’s a Junior Girl Scout. It was a super sweet ceremony in which the girls received beautiful pale peach roses (that actually smell like roses!) and their new green vests. Then Ruth played us a video of a montage of photos set to music. I actually teared up when some country song played. It was something about Let Them Be Little. Oh hormones. Then the girls all swam in Natalia’s pool while we moms worked on PTA stuff. We stuffed green bags with Extra gum for the teachers. The tag said Welcome Back Teachers! We think you’re extra special! Or something like that.

Cramps. Oh god.

I culled through my bookmooch inventory. I went from 79 books to 25 or something. I’m giving a bunch away. I want to simplify my life, I think. I’m starting with books.

Christopher cooked a delicious dinner tonight. Chicken and stuffing, broccoli and cheese, and I made a fruit salad. Shelby came home from Natalia’s house with us to play for a few hours. The girls ate their dinner up!

I have a lot to do tomorrow.

My mom is at the hospital with Uncle Dana. He’s her uncle but they are only 4 months apart in age. They are very close. They grew up next door to each other and are more like siblings really, especially since my mom is an only child. He’s needed a new heart for years. Now he has severe pneumonia. It’s not looking good. I’m sad for my mom.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to meet her in Van to give her Sage. She’s going to keep her this week for me since I have to work and school hasn’t started for Sage.

I love Anthony Bourdain so much. I really do.

Did you know au pairs are almost cheaper than daycare cost?

I am so very tired.

currently reading: Plain Secrets: An Outsider Among the Amish by Joe Mackall

[from August 19, 2007]

there are different names for the same things

So my Uncle Dana died and my mom is a mess. She keeps saying “My Dana, my Dana” and it’s heartbreaking. They are trying to figure out what to do with Sage this week and since mom couldn’t get a hold of Joey’s mom she took Sage to Jody’s house and then to Aunt Doris’s house.

I got sent home from work today because I couldn’t stop crying when dad called to tell me that Uncle Dana had 2 hours to live and then when he called back 40 minutes later and said he had died. I couldn’t hold it together so Gwen told me to go home and they wouldn’t even dock me a half-day. I don’t want to miss any work. The wake is tomorrow at 7:00. The funeral the next day at 3:00. I do not want to miss any work. I don’t want to miss this luncheon that I worked so hard on. My mom needs me there though. And should be there for my cousins. My cousin Tony wants Ryan to be a pall bearer but Ryan and Alicia shouldn’t travel right now. Alicia is 75% effaced already. Also, her Papaw died yesterday. So Dad is going to be a pall bearer.

I don’t know what to do. I need Christopher, and he’s going through his own shit. He’s basically been on press for 72 hours. I saw him for 4 hours last night. Three of which we slept. He’s having a very stressful time with their biggest client. He doesn’t need me being an emotional wreck.

Uncle Dana was always sickly with his heart disease. Mom used to beat up mean boys who picked on him when they were kids. My mom was a tiny little spitfire. I can just imagine it. She loved him so much.She told Dad she’s tired of seeing everyone die. Dad told her that is what happens when you live. It’s a sad fact of life.

I want to curl up in a ball and not open my eyes for a few days.

[written on August 22, 2007]

life is short, so buy the shoes.

I’m out of this habit.

Sage spent the three-day weekend with her dad in east Texas at the grandparents’ house. She seemed to have had a good time. Grandmama bought her some new Littlest Pet Shops. They are little ponies. Cute, if slightly hydrocephalic.

I got her tee shirts from Aeropostale today. I got her seven shirts WAY on sale. I’m still waiting on her clothes from Crazy 8 and JC Penney. Did Penney’s always have such tacky clothes or that a recent development? I had to buy clothes there because mom gave me a gift card to buy some school clothes for Sage. I was hard pressed to find anything that didn’t have glitter or sequins on it. I managed to find a few things. Also, why are there not brown tennis shoes for kids that don’t have pink on them also? I’m going to try to find some brown Chucks for her. I had the best tan/khaki colored Chucks when I was in high school. I also had some burnt orange ones, baby blue ones, and brick red ones. That’s all I ever wore from 1992-1995 unless it was combat boots from an Army surplus store.

I also got some really awesome mail from Mia. Thank you, Mia.

I have to write a paper on Gangs of New York for my American History class. It was either that, Rough Riders, or Dances With Wolves. I have to address these topics: 1) What are some of the real historical events portrayed in these films? 2) Who are some of the real historical figures appearing in these films? 3) What are some of the main historical ideas focused on in these films? 4) How historically accurate are these films? (including people, places, events, and time period) 5) Based on when the film was released, do you believe there is a contemporary message as well as a historical one? If so, what is it? 6) Does this film help you better understand the historical events, people, and/or time period represented in it?

Oh, I just found some cool chocolate brown Chucks on Amazon. See? That’s perfect. I’m going to get them.

Sage begins soccer in a couple of weeks. She’s really excited about that. I hope it helps with her weight and self-image.

Tonight, I feel feverish and strange. I’m sweating, and I feel like there is no air moving around me. I should take a shower; that would probably make me feel better.

currently reading: Because They Wanted To: Stories by Mary Gaitskill

banking on a myth

WordPress is my methadone.

9:03 pm and my husband is still at work. I really need some quality cuddle time with him. With me starting back to work and a new class and him never being home, I feel so distant from him.

Sage and I had some good quality cuddle time tonight “reading” a Where’s Waldo? book and watching Big Brother.

I think this history class is going to be kind of tough. I’m looking forward to the challenge though.

I’ve been so busy at work this week. It’s kind of insane, but I like being busy. I like having projects and lists and deadlines and coworkers and schedules and office gossip and new students and books all around me. I like my job.

I’ve been super busy with PTA shit too. I hosted a Welcome Back Breakfast for our Dartmouth parents and a Faculty Luncheon for our teachers and staff. They both went so well! I rock the party.

Tonight Sage and I had a delicious dinner of biscuits, scrambled eggs, bacon. I cooked way too much because I thought Christopher was going to be home for dinner.

I’ve really been into this IFC series called Indie Sex. I’ve been taking notes of all the indie/foreign films I want to see. My two current Netflixes are 9 songs and Anatomy of Hell.

Sage is all signed up for soccer! I can’t believe I’m literally a soccer mom now. What the hell happened to the non-conformist liberal bohemian? Who am I now? No really. Who am I?

I am talking about inane banal minutiae because the truth hurts too much. The real bloody meat of the matter is that I feel off-kilter. Things aren’t right. Dreams are fading and I don’t trust anything anyone says. I feel like I’m leaning to one side, and I’m scared that I’ll let go. I feel like I’m falling down a rabbit’s hole and the world is getting both smaller and larger at the same time. I’m scared and I’m alone and this is my cry for help.

My Bookmooch Wishlist

my ‘bookmoochwishlist’ shelf: